Lately we've seen that Justin has taken notice of Norah's ever-improving potty training. He thought flushing looked pretty cool and wanted in on the action, so he started requesting the opportunity to give it a try. Several times per day he cried wolf that he needed to potty, and we always gave him a chance, however, he didn't really seem to understand the basic premise and generally said "I done" and jumped down and scrambled for the flush handle about 2 seconds after climbing on the porcelain throne.
After their nightly bath tonight, Justin said he had to go and I patiently got him in position and waited for the usual, hasty, all clear signal, but I noticed pretty quickly that he actually meant business this time. After a few words of encouragement, we achieved victory at last. I saw glowing visions of the day that diapers could be marked off the monthly budget forever, and I praised him and cheered like he'd just won a football national championship for my alma mater.
At that moment I learned something unexpected, another difference between boys and girls. When Norah does something good and I cheer, she beams with joy and laughs with pride. Justin, simply looked at me as if to say "Dude, I don't know what you're all excited about. I knew I could do this all along if you jerks would have just given me a chance." I couldn't wait to tell Heather when she came home from work.
Justin gladly accepted his reward of "Nemo" shaped fruit snacks, but continued to play coy. On the other hand, Norah was beside herself trying to find some way to impress me and earn that kind of praise. While reading bedtime stories, I could barely read two consecutive words before Norah interrupted and began pointing like mad to every image on every page, telling me the story along with everyone's names, and everything's shape, color, and number.
I was floored by how much she knew, but more so by how powerful praise can be in a child's life, and the desperation they feel to get it. I made sure to give out a double dose of hugs, kisses, and assurances before bedtime and felt very proud of both our babies.
In the book, "Boys should be Boys" by Dr. Meg Meeker, states that a good ratio of praises to corrections for children is 7:1, because a parent's words are so powerful in forming their kid's self image. An overabundance of correction either beats them into a lack of confidence and total submission or their pride decides to tune parents completely out and they do their own thing. Tonight seemed to drive that point home to me. Suddenly the advice of seasoned parents "Choose your battles" makes a lot more sense. I always viewed that advice as being a sign of laziness in someone who just didn't want to deal with all the issues of parenting, and in some people I suppose it might be, but not for the wise ones. That realization makes me study my words and behaviors more closely, and I cringe a little bit when I hear myself too often saying, "Don't touch that. Put that down. Come back here. Not so loud."
Never fear, this is not the beginning of "laissez faire" parenting in this house, just a genuine attempt to achieve a healthy balance in our communication, that will help us achieve our ultimate, big picture goal: successfully raising these two beautiful, exuberant little angels to become well balanced, confident, capable, adults that don't need diapers.
After their nightly bath tonight, Justin said he had to go and I patiently got him in position and waited for the usual, hasty, all clear signal, but I noticed pretty quickly that he actually meant business this time. After a few words of encouragement, we achieved victory at last. I saw glowing visions of the day that diapers could be marked off the monthly budget forever, and I praised him and cheered like he'd just won a football national championship for my alma mater.
At that moment I learned something unexpected, another difference between boys and girls. When Norah does something good and I cheer, she beams with joy and laughs with pride. Justin, simply looked at me as if to say "Dude, I don't know what you're all excited about. I knew I could do this all along if you jerks would have just given me a chance." I couldn't wait to tell Heather when she came home from work.
Justin gladly accepted his reward of "Nemo" shaped fruit snacks, but continued to play coy. On the other hand, Norah was beside herself trying to find some way to impress me and earn that kind of praise. While reading bedtime stories, I could barely read two consecutive words before Norah interrupted and began pointing like mad to every image on every page, telling me the story along with everyone's names, and everything's shape, color, and number.
I was floored by how much she knew, but more so by how powerful praise can be in a child's life, and the desperation they feel to get it. I made sure to give out a double dose of hugs, kisses, and assurances before bedtime and felt very proud of both our babies.
In the book, "Boys should be Boys" by Dr. Meg Meeker, states that a good ratio of praises to corrections for children is 7:1, because a parent's words are so powerful in forming their kid's self image. An overabundance of correction either beats them into a lack of confidence and total submission or their pride decides to tune parents completely out and they do their own thing. Tonight seemed to drive that point home to me. Suddenly the advice of seasoned parents "Choose your battles" makes a lot more sense. I always viewed that advice as being a sign of laziness in someone who just didn't want to deal with all the issues of parenting, and in some people I suppose it might be, but not for the wise ones. That realization makes me study my words and behaviors more closely, and I cringe a little bit when I hear myself too often saying, "Don't touch that. Put that down. Come back here. Not so loud."
Never fear, this is not the beginning of "laissez faire" parenting in this house, just a genuine attempt to achieve a healthy balance in our communication, that will help us achieve our ultimate, big picture goal: successfully raising these two beautiful, exuberant little angels to become well balanced, confident, capable, adults that don't need diapers.
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